I was reading this book that I’ve read several times before. With each read, I learn something profound.

This time I learned what it means about not trusting God. When you do not trust someone, you constantly breathe over their shoulders to check on them. You are not sure if they will do what they are expected to do – be it their jobs or their role as a faithful spouse or life partner.

So it is with God. When we commit something to Him in prayer and still worry about it, it shows our lack of trust in Him. For me, I have absolutely no doubts to His abilities. God is a great God, capable of moving the highest mountains and calming the stormiest of seas. My trust problem lies in whether or not God cares enough to do anything about it.

I do sometimes ask God if He has forgotten where I live. Did the opportunity that was supposed to arrive somehow got lost in the traffic?

But reading that book reminded me that a life that lacks trust in my Maker is not a life that is good to live. What kind of life is it when I have to constantly battle with anxiety, perennial worries that I may have missed out on something good and resentment that all the good things have gone to other more aggressive creatures and I am left with unappealing leftovers?

Today, I went out with two lovely friends to Aeon, Bukit Tinggi, Klang for some shopping and eating.

“I must make a stop at Big Apple Donuts,” I told my friends solemnly. “I need to get just one Whit Nut donut.”

With all the eating and shopping, I only managed to make my way to my favorite donut shop five minutes before their closing time. By then, they had stopped baking and were just clearing out the last of their donuts. But I spotted a single white donut with chocolate etchings on it gleaming from afar.

“Miss, I’m afraid we only have one Whit Nut donut available and some plain ones,” the cashier said apologetically.

I blinked in amazement. Of all the variety of flavors available, the one flavor I truly wanted remained. I gave him a huge grin and nodded. “That’s perfectly alright! Give me that one Whit Nut donut please.”

And not a minute too soon, for just behind me came a family who ordered every single one of the remaining donuts.

I held my precious donut and walked out with a renewed sense of wonderment and trust that God will provide what I need when I need it.

:)

Ok, I spoke too soon. Was ill today due to dehydration and rested at home. But at least I wasn’t down while the project was going on. So, yaay :)

Had ample time to catch up on my reading and reflection. One of the revelations I had today was that no matter how close I think I am to a person, there are still many, many facets of the person that I do not know. Therefore I cannot assume I know where they are coming from. And to always practice reflective listening.

A case in point – in my family, when it comes to food, we pretty much eat what we want when we go out. If someone doesn’t want to partake the main dishes on the table, he can always order something else on the menu. So when a group of friends wanted to eat steamboat and I didn’t feel like steamboat that day, I told them to go ahead and order steamboat while I get something else from the menu. To my amazement, they quickly discarded their plans to eat steamboat and we ended somewhere else, despite my protests that I’m totally ok with watching them eat steamboat. I was sure that the restaurant had other things on their menu.

I felt rather weird about the whole thing. But upon reflection, I guess in my friends’ families, they probably make it a point to ensure that everyone will enjoy the main course TOGETHER. So the next time I join that particular group of friends for makan, I better eat what they are eating or just meet them for drinks later.

And to add icing to the cake, a close friend got the revelation that God put us together because we have specific weaknesses that rub on each others’ nerves. This is so that we know we are not so great after all and still have things to deal with. When this person shared this with me today, we burst out laughing. Nothing like God’s brand of humor to put the spark back on a good friendship.

All in all, it has been a great day. Flu and all :P

Photo Credits

MF had free tickets for Electric Beckett courtesy of her company. Early last week she asked me if I wanted to go along. An evening with a close pal and free show tickets is a potent combination. But there’s also the perennial evening rain fall and resulting KL traffic jams to consider.

“Hey, thanks! I’m gamed to go but we must pray for good weather and smooth traffic,” I said.

“Ya, must pray hard,” she agreed.

I can hazily recall that I prayed for that – probably dedicated a half-sentence or for it. Well, at least I wasn’t the only one praying for it. I felt assured that if there was anything lacking there, MF can take up on the slack. That’s why it’s always good to have at least one other person to pray for the same matter. The backup principle in action.

And so yesterday finally came about. Together with it came ominuous looking dark clouds and pouring rain. As if that wasn’t enough, flashes of lightning graced the stormy skies. Thunder cracked sending shivers down my yellow spine.

“Wei, you did pray, didn’t you?” MF looked at me suspiciously when she arrived at my office, half-wet from the pouring rain.

“I did! Well… it was approximately half a sentence but surely that still counts as a prayer,” I replied feeling a slight shade of guilt.

We looked at the unpromising skies and the bad jam at the crossroad in front of my office with dismay in our eyes. But determination and sheer reckless faith filled our hearts.

“Haiya, let’s go anyway. Just hope we make it in good time,” I said and we made a mad dash to my car. Soon we were on our merry way to the Sprint highway.

A strange sight greeted us. Smooth flowing traffic. At rush hour. In the pouring rain. We felt almost giddy and lightheaded with relief. It got stranger as we cruised along the highway towards Sentul West. There was not a single car within my line of sight at all. We were there in less than 20 minutes! We had so much time to dawdle and yak over dinner and even had a nice bout of paper shopping at a nearby stationery shop.

I must have prayed for smooth traffic in my half-sentence prayer.

A cat on the outside, a lion in the innards

Josh shared with me a list of popular baby names in 2006. He was tickled that his name was #3 on the list. It only goes to show that his is a common name :P

The conversation then took a nostalgic turn. He asked me about the meaning of my name. I used to run a daily email encouragement group where I would send inspiring and encouraging articles that I read to people who subscribe to it. At the height of it, about 60+ people were on the group. Now it’s 47 – which is quite amazing for a group that has not been active in a while.

I remembered sending a notice to this group circa 2000 announcing the change of my name to Ariel. And to my delight, I managed to locate it in that online email group. The very words I wrote so long ago is now speaking volumes to my heart. I feel very much lifted and encouraged to continue on bearing my name proudly. Here’s the mail from near-Christmas past:

Dear Friends,

Just a note to tell you that I’ve changed my name (upon conviction from the Lord) to Ariel, which means “Lioness of Judah,” representing the Messiah Jesus as the Lion of Judah. It is also an alternate name for Jerusalem (Isaiah 29:1) – the city of peace now waiting for the Prince
of Peace to return.

So many events have taken place in my life and God has led me through a time of healing, cleansing and deliverance from the baggages of the past. He has made me into a new creation! A name is powerful and often marks the turning point of a person’s life – eg. Simon son of Jonah to Peter (Cephas), the Rock.

Make no mistake, I’m still a work-in-progress who still have many weaknesses to deal with until Christ comes again. But I no longer have to bow to the lies of the evil one because the wounds of the past and the footholds of the evil one have been exposed, cast off and healed.

I can’t stress enough how important it is for us to ask God to search our hearts and expose to us the things hidden therein.

[Psalm 139:23-24] Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Only then will we be able to let Him heal us and we will be set free from carrying heavy burdens like secret sins, bitterness, unforgiveness, rejection, etc for years, thinking that we are perfectly ok but are actually grievously wounded inside. And when we build things upon such a shaky and wounded foundation, it will only crumble one day. God may be the One who causes all that we have built to crumble so that He may unearth and remove the dirt buried deep within the depths of your heart. Only then will anything that you build upon the foundation of Jesus will remain standing eternally according to His will.

Indeed the Bible is our mirror and we need not compare ourselves with each other. When you read God’s Word and are being led by the Holy Spirit, you will find truths there that will change your lives from inside out. As you earnestly seek God, He will bring events and people into your life that will only serve to draw you closer to Him. Do not fear trials or adversities. They are our friends when we allow them to draw us nearer to God and to trust Him with all that we have.

In Him,
Ariel
21 Dec 2000

Thanks, Josh for inspiring me to take a trip down memory lane in search for the roots of my name :)

Photo credits

After 14 days of nail biting, gnashing teeth and sleepless nights, my leave is finally approved!!!

A lot of people prayed for me. And I mean a LOT. Thanks for all your prayers, support and concern. It really made a difference.

It was a weird time, making travel plans and booking hotels and stuff and having the ‘Leave Not Approved’ message blaring at the back of my mind. I’m grateful for MF and bezzie who planned everything to a T and kept the momentum going. They never did entertain the thought of me not being able to go although I was quite close to thinking so.

If anything, going through this has taught me (yet again!) of not taking things for granted. And that nothing good comes easy.