Everyone has a favourite something.
A favourite song, book, place, person… child.
"Mummy, I know you love Ah Boy more," a little girl would tearfully say and her good mother, with good intentions would rush to say, "No, no! Absolutely not! I love all my children the same."
Yeah, right.
What about the time when that girl was asked to give up her favourite lolly because Ah Boy demanded it? Or when John had to bear the brunt of his little siblings’ mischief just because he was the eldest? Or when one child gets to escape from doing housework while the rest have to do their bit around the house or else…
The truth is, EVERY parent has a favourite child regardless of their protests to the contrary (unless they have only one child to dote on). They couldn’t help it – it’s so very natural to communicate more with the child whose personality can gel with yours.
Some parents are the seasonal type, favouring a child for a few months until the child did something that is deemed to be bad or disobedient, and then shifting all attention to the next child. While this round-robin parenting style can be a traumatic experience to the children, it is fair in a way – everyone gets their share of coddling and "disciplining".
Being the third out of four children, and brought up in the traditional-mixed-with-seasonal-favouritism style, I got my share of attention and pampering when I was yet the youngest of the brood – until my bro came along 6 years later. Was I jealous when all the attention was gone? You bet!
But after a while, I just backed out of the whole LOA (lack of attention) phase and learned to be independent. Years later, mom told me that it was quite a painful time for her, feeling that she could not reach into the walls I have built around her and really get to know me. When I heard that, I was shocked. See, the reason I built those walls was because I thought they did not really care nor wanted to know me.
And that was the beginning of the healing in our relationship and today, I know my mom truly has no favourites between me and my bro. Of course, my eldest sis will say that mom favours the two youngest ones. This time, my mom did not deny it. She lovingly told my sis that she has the license to dote on us because we are still living with her. That certainly sounds fair and I must say, I do enjoy basking in all her warm TLC :)
So later on, if any of my children asks me whether I have any favourites, I will take that as a sign that I should get to know them better and communicate my love to them in their lingo. I may be able to click better with their sibling but that doesn’t mean that I love them any less. May God grant me the wisdom to do so if and when the time comes.
Me, bro and sis
Related posts:
- Early Motherhood One of Kelvin’s wish (if he could turn back time)...
- Not Every Mother Last Friday, we had a good sharing and ministry session...
- With Immediate Effect I didn’t expect to see immediate results after the counseling...
- Teasing Today, during a very very serious departmental meeting where we...
- Live Like You Were Dying (Part 2) ~The Grandpa I Never Knew It was a typical night...
Being the eldest of two, I think it’s good that my parents don’t pay so much attention to me than they would my bro. But you feel the neglect at times lah… and then I kena from them for only talking to them when I want money. = P
(And yes, I do think they prefer my bro).
But it’s a bit hard to avoid when my bro was away at NS and then MMU… then again, I’ve always wanted to be an only child, haha… even for a short while.
Eileen – Hi! Nice to see you here :) You know, your folks sound like they are fair in a way – your mom favouring your bro and your dad equally favouring the girls. Everyone’s got one parent who love them to pieces ;)
Mark – Hee, never thought there’s anything wrong with guys saying ‘Awwww…’ :)
James – Awww, really? Thanks!
Paul – Now, wasn’t the long wait worth it? It’s really nice to be dotted on :P
Kuan – You are a real cool bro, you know that? Hardly hear of any favoured ones defending their ‘ill-treated’ siblings and genuinely feel troubled by the unfairness of it all. As what Paul says, I don’t think your mom will ‘let go’ of you so easily… even if you are way down under ;)
Krista – Poor mite… Hope things turn out better for you later. You just never know!
Rina – Heh! Like your strategy of ‘don’t get mad, get smart’ ;)
Synical – There’s just nothing like parental love now, is there? Can’t run nor hide from it. Hmmm, for me, I have never fantasized on being an only child. Kinda of strange for someone who likes to be dotted upon :P
After over a year of not seeing my bro around most of the time, he can have their attention back, haha.
hahaha….dt – funny.
Yes, Paul. Kuan has been a good ground to perfect my ultimate ultima infinite eternal lasting N-ism. You wanna meet me someday? I can demo a bit. ;)
huh?? even me as your bro i dont even know what’s ultra-N-ism….starting to freak me out and yes Paul, I guess this is ‘forum adik-beradik’, have adik here to chat with?? hehe
well, sooner or later my mom HAVE to realise it’s TIME to let me go, she KNOWS that I have a WILD HEART!!!!
naw….who am I fooling here…sigh….
Ha ha ha.. Kuan, Ultra-N-ism was coined on our Roadtrip up to Perlis. ha ha ha.. your sis is a riot lah.. just pity her future husband and kids.. *grin*
… ooppss did i say that out loud?
I’m afraid that Ultra-N-isers are born, not trained. A very unique species are they.
Have fun! :)
BB, good guess. How I wish it was true! :P
Coffee, heys :) Thanks for the compliment :D Will post some pics soon.
Twinnie, big huggies to ya!
oh yes it does XDXD
o_O
Aiieee… It’s getting freakier by the minute! :P :P
Thanks, dearie :)
Ok, set. We try that the next time.
Yea, I’m waiting for Kopicat Cafe to come to our shores, Twinnie :D
Well said and I agree with you. Have my fair share of what-ifs, that is IF i wan to dwell in it.
Haha, did a test and it revealed that I had Elizabeth Bennet’s characteristics. Which is in a way true, because I’m such a happy mess :P It didn’t have Jane in the list of possible candidates though.
Da question is something related to the “suggestive” topic.. i might get excommunicated for asking such questions!! :O
it was so fun man..and yesterday we even did a chromakey shoot for Lianf too..
That makes it all the more scary, no?
I think it’s a mean old conspiracy by those dog and dragon lovers. Cronyism, I tell ya!
Fooman, thanks for yr sagely advice!
Jim, missed your puns! Glad to see you here again :D
Thanks, PJ :D I enjoyed writing it, too.