…continuation from Part 1 Sorry this took some time, guys. Thanks for your patience!
And so, I found myself in front of the church on a hot Sunday afternoon. Still battling whether I should skip the Monday session or not because I had a host of errands to do.
And then, and then… I saw him standing there. This cute guy who almost always dishes out cheeky grins and remarks to whomever that crosses his path. Apparently, although guys were not allowed to attend the conference, we still need them to help around in ushering and carrying heavy stuff. He was handsomely dressed and handed me the door gift with a devastating smile and a dash of style- a lovely potpourri. I literally floated into the sanctuary. God is good – He wanted me to be suitably motivated to sit through the first day.
The speaker, Pr Dr Lee Choo was a dynamite lady – small in stature but she more than makes up for it with her bigger than life personality and heart for God and women. When she said that God’s original intention was for a woman to bring out the man out a man and to be a protector of his … (girls, write me if you want to know what this is), my jaw dropped. As she went on about a woman’s role in relation to her man, I realised boy, have I got quite a few concepts wrong. At the end of the day, God made men and women different – for a reason and due to our insecurities about why the opposite sex are not behaving like us, we tend to sabotage things.
My mind ran through a particular past relationship and I cringed when I realised in greater magnitude how I contributed to its demise. If I were to hear this then, it might not have changed me much because I would have been too hurt and grieved about the sad state of things to even listen. But now, having been out of it and healed considerably from the hurts, I see the areas where I was still sore and still need a lot of growth. I think it was just the right timing – God’s timing for the conference to kickstart some growth in my life.
Results
1. I Bought Books
For the last few months, I had absolutely no interest in reading books, especially the Christian help books. I didn’t realise it but this was an indication that I was stagnated in my growth as a person. So on Mon, after the conference, I felt like tackling some issues that were uncovered in the conference and bought a number of books. Boy, was my soul hungry for nourishment!
2. My Drain is Unclogged
What do women do when they are touched? They weep and weep we did. A lot. Towards the end of the first day’s session, Pr Dr Lee Choo said that it was time to be ministered to and suddenly, I felt the urge to weep and release the pent up emotions that was buried from long ago. And when I started tearing and crying, the women on the rest of my row also started weeping. It was contagious! After the crying session and being prayed for, I felt so lighthearted and it was as if some bricks fell off my shoulders.
Two things were revealed to me:
1. That I’ve been operating out of woundedness for a long time.
2. That my heart was still bruised from perceived rejections of the past
The first one was scary because when we operate out of a wounded spirit, we will “interpret all around us through a very myopic (read: tunnel vision) perspective. There is a great pain within us that has carved out inside a very great cave or chasm that is not easily filled. If a person was wounded through a setting like, say, being on a worship team, then all experiences in that setting will be proceed through a filter of the hurt caused through that setting.” (quoted from an Angelic.org article.
The second one was resolved that day through the healing flow of tears. How did I know it was resolved? Through result #3 :)
3. I Sat Through My Dad’s Lecture and Did Not Feel Irritated
My dad lectured me about some thing I didn’t do and for once, I did not feel the usual irritation that normally comes from such encounters. It’s like dad extending a barb and because my drain was clean and unclogged, there was nothing for it to hook to and tear a piece of my heart along with it. Man, isn’t this true freedom or what?
When I came home that day, my dad gave me a gift to help me remember to do that thing I didn’t and it was really sweet. My ability to respond to his lecture with a heart that was whole and free, freed him to respond from a full heart, too.
to be continued…