Dear Dr. Love,
My best friend of three years have asked me to be his girlfriend and I’m freaked out! I told him that I needed some time to think before I give my answer. I guess I’m just so afraid that if things don’t work out, I would not only lose a boyfriend but my best friend, too. Do you think it’s a good idea for a friendship to turn into something more? Help!
Best-Friends-Are-Forever?
Dear Forever,
If there’s any comfort to you, your fears are not groundless. Whether a friendship survives a breakup depends on a lot of factors – many of which you are not in control of. Emotional maturity of both parties, the reasons behind the break-up, parental and peer influence and the way the break-up was done are part of the many factors which determines the survival of a beautiful friendship.
So, if things don’t work out between you and your best buddy, then yes, there is a possibility of the friendship ending together with the relationship.
But having said that, I must also ask you this question: Would you rather date your best friend who knows so much about you and whom you can get along very well with, or would you rather date someone you barely know? Which one would pose a higher risk of the relationship ending up in Splitsville? After all, most long-lasting relationships start out as friendships first and I can safely say that all happy marriages are comprised of couples who are or have learned to become each other’s best buddies.
You have been buddies for three years and I presume that by calling him your best buddy, you two have a strong bond and are able to get along very well together. You didn’t mention anything about not being attracted to him, so again I presume that you do indeed find him and his character attractive (having been friends for quite a while).
It would seem that it is your fear that is holding you back. Perhaps you had a bad experience with losing a friend this way or have heard of horror stories of this happening. Now this may sound cliched but do not let the fears and worries of the past rob you from your future.
If there are other reasons to your hesitation to say yes to him – perhaps a character flaw which you can’t reconcile, or perhaps bad timing, then by all means, don’t be quick to say yes, if at all. But if it’s just your fear of losing the friendship that is holding you back from embarking on a happy relationship with a great guy, then I would advise you to reflect on what is causing that fear and to let God heal your heart. And then, be free to embrace the opportunity for happiness that is knocking loudly at your door.
Blessings,
Dr. Love
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It’s been a while since I look into your jottings and what a pleasant surprise to note this one.
I am happy for you because it shows that you are ‘lucku’ not going to be an ‘item’.
What I sense her is fear of another ‘failed’ relationship. I have a good feeling about this one cos it’s your best friend who knows your mood swings and weaknesses. Go watch “My bestfriend wedding” again. Both knows each other so well. Your bestfriend is like Julia Roberts who falls for her bestfriend.
Do pray about it and ask God to confirm it.
Your MAG friend
Errr… actually, I wrote this under inspiration one day. That very day, a friend told me how encouraging it was to read this advice by Dr. Love as it was exactly what she was going through. But it’s not about me – this is probably not a good time to be thinking about committing myself to some guy when things are rather crazy now. Appreciate your well wishes all the same :)