I read an article which highlights one of our greatest e-mail frustrations of today – virus warning SPAM. The irony is, these spams are generated by anti-virus software which are supposed to be our ally, not cyberspace irritant.

Read more about it on [url=http://www.attrition.org/security/rant/av-spammers.html]Brian Martin’s rant[/url] and also [url=http://www.f-prot.com/news/gen_news/open_letter_30jan2004.html]Fridrik Skulason[/url] reply to Brian’s rant and ravings.

Aunty Sally, Shirley and I were lounging at Uncle Pong’s house, giggling and glueing our eyes on some Cantonese serial shown in Astro. It was set in days of yore where the guys and girls have long, long hair and have a bag of kung fu tricks up their sleeves. They apparently also have a knack of evelating themselves in air and flying over houses and trees with very little effort and exersion.

Anyway, Shirley liked the looks of this tanned guy who was the gentle hero of the show. Me, I preferred the king who had a wise, kind look and sparkling humorous eyes. The tanned hero striked me as being a bit too tanned and upon closer inspection, I discovered that it was actually a result of dark foundation being applied to his complexion. I guess helping out in the Punctuation make-up department taught me a thing or two. Shirley was a little crushed that her hero had to resort to such tactics.

Being tanned has its benefits, I guess. It signals a love for the outdoors and all things adventurous. You can blush in secret and hide almost every pimple, mole and other blemishes. You also appear thinner than your fairer counterparts. And for guys, it’s macho to be tan. Why else would the term tall, dark and handsome hold so much weight?

No guesses whether I’m tanned or fair. Josh and Amy called me ‘Pak Cham Kai’ the other day ~ Cantonese for Steamed Chicken. They meant it as a compliment and I do believe them. But it’s just not something for my moles and I to get terribly excited and happy about.

Look what I found while filling up at a Shell petrol station today. I’ve been hunting for something like this for a long time now and the travel bug has finally found her travel mug. The perfect companion in traffic jams and long drives along boring roads. It only cost me 690 Bonus link points. Doesn’t it look cool?

I met with an accident near my house yesterday evening. Perhaps I should not use the term ‘accident’ as it was not quite accurate to describe what I actually went through. Thanks to the big Jusco sale, there was massive jam in all the roads leading home. And by some freakish turn of nature, a big lorry was stranded right there in front of the road leading to my house and caused a horrific jam on a normally calm and light-trafficked road.

To cut the long story short, I was waiting to turn into that road when the lorry driver behind me began to get impatient, honked and then to my horror, started ramming into the back of my car several times. I whipped my head to stare in shock at him and honked wildly to signal him to stop this madness. Never in my life had I the misfortune to be bumped by such a rude, uncouth, and mad driver. Needless to say I was terribly traumatised and upon reaching home, I stared bawling and crying in front of my family.

All I knew was that I DO NOT want to keep this ugly episode buried in my heart. I wanted to let it all out – all the anger, the fear, the hatred and the frustration. Being men, my father and bro did not know what to do but my mom did the right thing. She stood beside me and just held me tight. She told me that she was glad I was alright and that God will mete out the punishment to the errant lorry driver in His way and time. She gave me the precious gift of just letting go of my turbulent emotions. I clung to her like a lifeline. I felt the strength of her love and care coursing through me and after a long while I started to calm down and felt much better. My parents then supported me by accompanying me to make a police report until late into the night.

Several friends tried to encourage me in their own way but somehow hearing, “You should be thankful” and “Accidents happen” doesn’t make me feel better. I mean, I do feel thankful that my car was not too badly damaged and that I escaped without a scratch. I feel thankful that my family and some friends came through for me when I most needed them. By hearing someone telling me to be thankful makes me feel bad, as if I am an ungrateful person that needed that reminder.

And yes, I know accidents do happen but when I’m narrating my tale to a concerned party, I don’t want to hear ‘feel-good’ cliches from them. I just wanted some empathy and someone to just stand by my side in support and allowing me to just tell the tale like it is. I don’t think I spoke in bitterness and I have forgiven the lorry driver, I was just telling the facts. But I guess most people feel uncomfortable when someone is talking about their trauma and they just wanted to say something to lighten the situation and to avoid saying things that will make the traumatised party cry. But please do bear in mind, that cliches are so NOT the right thing to say to a damsel (or anyone for that matter) in distress.

And tears are the best and often, the only way of getting all the negative stuff out of your system. Tears are a good thing. They bring healing and prepare the way for wholeness. I love it when someone cries when they are sharing their struggles with me, it shows that they feel safe to show their raw pain and sadness in my presence and that it is a sign of a breakthrough for healing in their heart wounds. After a great bawling session last night and hugging my dear mom as a lifeline, the fear and hatred towards the man was gone.

This morning, when I saw the damage on my car, I felt nothing. Last night, I knew that if I had kept it bottled in (which I would have if it had happened far away from my house and I needed to control myself until I reach home – that is, a home without my mom), all the anger and hatred would have welled up when I see the damage in the morning light. And it would have taken longer for me to process the anger.

But because my mom was there and did the right thing, I did not have to struggle with such a terrible emotional baggage. Thanks, mom for loving me so much. I have never appreciated you more before last night. It is through this trauma that your love shines brightly than I have ever seen it before. Looking back, I realised that you were always there when it matters. I love you with all my heart.

I know I haven’t been blogging much publicly these days. That is not reflective of what has transpired this week. In fact, a few things that happened a few days ago have triggered a major change in me – injecting a foreign kind of sensation within my heart. I struggle to put them out on this blog for all to see, mainly because it seems too bold to declare it out loud when I’m still adjusting to those thoughts myself. All I can say is that the thoughts are downright thrilling! And have inspired me to think above and beyond circumstances.

But there is something that I do want to share… something about God’s goodness. I can never tire of sharing about His love, faithfulness and grace upon my life.

Money from heaven
This week, I’ve received two refunds, one of which was for something that I don’t even remember. It was some license fee refund from a telco company which I have cancelled my services more than 4 years ago. The sum was not much, but it was a sweet reminder that God will refund the things and the years that have been eaten away by the locusts. That He can provide and bless me even when it may seem next to impossible.

Friends for life
I am amazed to see the strong bond and camaraderie that marks the small circle of friends that have been forged throughout the years. These are the lifelong ones – the ones you don’t keep in touch too regularly because of schedules and distances but whom you always keep dear to your heart and when we talk over the phone or meet up with each other, we can just jump right into the deep level of comfort and sharing. It seems incredible, but I am blessed with several best friends! And I used to think that we are only allowed to have one best friend at a time. For someone who’s lazy in the keeping in touch area, it’s nothing short of a miracle.

If you haven’t guessed already, that’s one of the reasons why I keep a blog – it’s a lazy girl’s way to keep in touch!

Being a supporter of everything Open Source (read Anti-M$), it pains me to say this but search results from [url=http://www.msn.com]MSN[/url] are much more accurate compared to [url=http://www.google.com]Google[/url] these days.

MSN search results points to the exact locations of php-enabled pages whereas Google only points to the main page of the website.

For example, a search on MSN for ‘wasabi definition’ will result in:
[url=http://www.coolcatalyst.com/comments.php?id=61_0_1_0_C]www.coolcatalyst.com/comments.php?id=61_0_1_0_C[/url]

And on Google, you will only see:
[url=http://www.coolcatalyst.com]www.coolcatalyst.com[/url] – well, at least that’s how it used to appear before today. Now my site is not associated at all with ‘wasabi’ in Google! It only shows that Google continuously changes its search algorithm.

I read today at [url=http://sitepronews.com/]SitePro News[/url] that Yahoo has dropped Google and replaced it with its own search engine. And Google dropped from 71% to 51% market share.

And really, it comes as no suprise that most of my hits come from MSN and Yahoo these days instead of Google. Perhaps the 51% market share has something to do with it, or perhaps it’s new search algorithm has completely disassociate my domain from any keywords that I’ve written about. A pity that. I hope Google bucks up soon. The good thing it did was to shake up the existing giant search engines like MSN and Yahoo to provide better and more relevant search results. We, the non-paying search engine users can only stand to gain from the war of the search engines.

“Lord, I feel so lost!” I lifted my tear-filled eyes towards heaven. “There’s no one to guide me – no one with flesh on, that is. I really desperately need a spiritual mom!”

That was my heart-felt cry in April 2002. At that point in time, I had just started to settle into a new church. I was also nursing a broken heart and broken dreams. I used to know what to do and what I wanted to do in life and ministry. But in April 2002, the last vestiges of my fondest hopes and dreams faced the finality of death.

All I wanted was for someone to hold me and tell me that everything will be alright.

Someone who would just love and accept me for who I am.

Someone who loves God and has a solid relationship with Him.

Someone who can love and guide the way my parents can’t because they do not know the Lord intimately.

Aunty Linda
I must have prayed the prayer countless of times since then. I couldn’t recall exactly when I stopped. It most probably occurred right after the Wildflowers’ production where Aunty Linda adopted me as her god-daughter. She told me later that ever since she knew me in late 2002, she had a burden towards me, sensing that I needed a spiritual parent to love and care for me. This explained her loving gifts and encouragement throughout the time I have known her.

The Yoongs
And when the Lord blesses, He blesses abundantly. Uncle Fan and Aunty Sian Li came into the picture and were generous with their love, time, guidance and resources.

Uncle Pong and Aunty Sally
And after my Nepal trip, He blessed me with Uncle Pong and Aunty Sally who opened their hearts and their homes to their friends. Over a short period of time, I have come to love them dearly and it’s so good to know that whenever I needed advice or guidance, they are just a visit or a call away.

A Spiritual Father
I still remember an incident in Nepal where we were gripped with immense frustration and fear. The roads were blocked and our bus was accosted by the locals who were desperate for transport. We also weren’t sure if they allowed tourists to journey down towards Pokhara by road. Our guide kept telling us to give up and go back to Kathmandu by way of the expensive local flight.

In the midst of all these chaos, Uncle Pong assessed the situation quickly and calmly asked us to pray. His prayer was strong and confident in the goodness of the Lord and that quickly put things into perspective. We were reminded of God’s protection and that ultimately He is in control of the whole situation. That incident has made a deep impact in my heart. What is inside a man’s heart is truly revealed in turbulent times. And in Uncle Pong’s heart was a deep trust in his Lord and Saviour.

I respect and admire Uncle Pong for having and holding on to firm convictions in life and at the same time, exercising God’s compassion and grace towards those who are in need or are serious works-in-progress. I never hoped to have a spiritual dad in my life but now, I have one. My heavenly Father indeed knows what I need and blessed me with such a wonderful one when I didn’t expect it.

Spiritual Mentors
In addition to spiritual parents, God has also blessed me with seasoned Christians whom I trust and have no problems being accountable to. We have this relationship where we can just be ourselves and speak honestly into each others’ lives.

Thus from an utterly lost soul, I am blessed with a strong network of love, friendship and support. When all I asked for is a spiritual mom, God has blessed me with other wonderful spiritual parents and mentors beyond my wildest imaginations.

I cannot emphasize enough how vital such a network is to my growth as a person – emotionally and spiritually. Remember what I wrote about not losing my temper even though things were so out of control in Nepal because I felt so protected by my spiritual leaders there? Normally, my temper flares up when I feel unprotected and that I have to defend myself with a shield of anger.

And with this support network of spiritual parents, I feel so nourished, loved and protected that I don’t recall losing my temper anymore these days.

Thank You, Father, for You are a prayer-answering God. Indeed You bless above and beyond our wildest imaginations if only we let You have Your way with us.

[i]When a door closes, a window opens.[/i] That has been the case with me this week. I shall have liberty to explain it in more detail in about two weeks’ time.

In the mean time, I realise that when I think about it, there are plenty of reasons to give thanks to God each day. Which makes the verse “give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 very relevant and certainly very possible. Here are some reasons why.

[b]Be Thankful for… Food Stuff[/b]
The cashier at the next door coffee shop has been quite consistent giving me very low prices for the food I buy, to Mike’s amazement. Now Mike is willing to pay me some commission to buy food for him. Hmmm, I shall think about that.

[b]Be Thankful for… Prayer Angels[/b]
Almost every day I will receive a message of blessing by my praying friends. And on the days that I don’t, I know I can always go to their dial-a-prayer service. Their prayers and encouragement are so needful to spur me to go one more step further and to hang on, just a little bit longer.

[b]Be Thankful for… A Loving Family[/b]
Dad has been caring towards me and even when he nags, I could see that love was the motive behind it. One day when he was nagging me to complete my income tax form (oops, will do that tonite!), my mom was defending me and asking him to let me be.

But I remarked sweetly saying, “Mom, I think dad is saying this out of love.”

My dad was visibly stunned and didn’t say anything. He didn’t negate nor made a joke out of my statement. But he just accepted it and both of us felt great. And he hasn’t been nagging me since. Hee!

Mom has also been the sweetest – I told her everything that I was going through and she listened with warm acceptance and is my firm supporter next to my bro. I’m so glad I have a warm and loving home to go back to.

[b]Conclusion[/b]
And the list goes on… and on… and on. Precious gems of grace that comes from heaven. They are so tiny that you can just miss them if you are too focussed on the dark clouds hanging over your head. But when you see them, they shine so brightly that your heart just sings.

Thank You, Lord for your abundant grace. I’m ever gratefully Yours…

I have asked Uncle Pong if I could publish his article on our Nepal experience which is great for those still eager to know the details and for me who will share it from another angle. Enjoy!

NEPAL never ceases to fascinate people. It is a land sometimes described as nested in the Himalayas between India and Tibet region of China, the breathtaking home of the worldÂ’s highest mountain, Mount Everest. Our team lead by Pastor MH left for Nepal on the morning of 5th March 2004 a historical date for 8 of us. The Church mission for this team was to reach out to the Nepalis; to evangelize and to teach.

During our briefing we were told to be physically fit, spiritually strong and mentally prepared. We are thankful to many previous mission members for their invaluable help for encouraging us to prepare well. We learned our roles and we even trained rigorously, climbed and trekked one Gunung (Gunung Angsi) and several anak bukits and most of the time with a back pack saddled on our backs.

5th March 2004 – The eight of us left via Thai International for Nepal. It was difficult to hold back our excitement. You get this mixed feeling that simply boils over. In our heads were images that sent chills down your spine. Just then an announcement came over the aircraftÂ’s PA system that we had just landed at the Tribhuvan International Airport Kathmandu. Suddenly you want to go to the toilet one last time. Continue Reading »

It was a fun Easter weekend filled with laughter, some dazzling stage moments and great hospitality. This Easter production went smoothly because everyone – from the cast to the production crew – took to their tasks seriously, had great attitudes and were generally experienced (a result of previous production efforts). Of course, having quite a few jokers in our midst helped brighten up everyone’s moods.

Casts who were born in the good ol’ 70’s were tossing the then-household names like Kum Kum, Chicadees, Tora, the Bing and Bong clowns, etc to clueless youngsters born in the late 80’s. Amidst all that laughter, it made me feel pretty old being about decade older than the youngest cast.

Uncle Pong and Aunty Sally were the epitome of hospitality – providing a comfy house for me to hang around and rest in before heading to church for ’showtime’. I truly look forward to visiting this dear couple and their cute dogs. It’s hilarious to see Bobo (their Shitzu) jealously seeking for Aunty Sally’s attention whenever Uncle Pong made a show of cuddling her. Bobo probably thinks Aunty Sally’s affections belong to him and him only.

Thanks to Aunty Sally who loaned me her striking red cheongsam which fits me very comfortably, I need not go on a diet just to fit into Juls’ blue cheongsam. With it, goes my motivation to ferociously exercise *sigh* I really need another motivation to actually lose the pounds I gained from eating all those dhal and potatoes in Nepal!

I’ve been reading a book on Spiritual Warfare this weekend since I realised that I needed a serious brush-up on this topic. A lot of what has been happening lately has become too frequent and too intense for them to be a mere coincidence. I realised that I have somehow forgotten to engage in intercessory prayer lately. Due to the intense turmoil that I have experienced, my prayers have been reduced to a mere, “Help, Lord!” In those times, I truly cannot utter more than a few words to God before breaking into tears of anguish. God has assured me (through someone who prayed for me) that He knows my heart and I do not need to utter full sentences to Him. Anyway, now that the worst part of the ‘fire’ is over, it’s time for me to intercede for the people God has placed in my heart.

One thing from the book which strikes me was this analogy – that spiritual warfare prayers are like darts aimed and thrown towards the evil one and his schemes. I take great encouragement in this simple analogy, knowing that every prayer that we utter with pure motives will cripple the devil’s deeds in our dear friends’ lives.

Let’s throw some more darts!